The JADED Cliche
by Jade Mortis
Summary: Get it? JADED? Well, I think it's funny. And I feel so special, I'm the first one to do a Discworld story. That I know of. Oh, well.


The _Jaded_ Cliché

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Author's Note: Hey, no one else was doing it! Please, people, write stories about Discworld! It's so lonely here right now! And by the way, this isn't very funny, though I put it under humor. Sorry.

A teenage girl sits at her computer, typing away.

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Once upon a time, Harry Potter - 

Strange Voice: What are you writing about _him_ for?

Jade: Huh?

Strange Voice: You heard me! How come _he_ gets a story, when there're millions of stories about him already, but _we_ don't even get _one_?

Jade: I dunno. Who are you?

Two old women, two young women, and a wizard drop into the room around Jade.

Strange Voice (who turns out to be one of the two old ladies): I'm Granny Weatherwax, that's who! And I think it's rude of you to go around writing stories about Harry Potter when there are people like us who don't even have one measly cliché!

Jade: But I didn't even know you _wanted_ me to write about you!

Young Woman: That's no excuse! You saw Discworld on the list of empty categories! You should've written something!

Jade: Who're _you_?

Young Woman: I'm Perdita X. Dream.

Granny Weatherwax glares at the young woman.

Young Woman: Ok, fine, I'm Agnes Nitt.

Other Old Woman: I should think so! Going around calling herself some foreign name, just trying to sound all posh! Why, Nanny Ogg has always been a good enough name for me!

Jade: *faintly* How… nice for you.

Other Young Woman: Oh, don't let them intimidate you. They just want you to write about us, that's all. *holds out her hand for Jade to shake* Hi. I'm Susan. Technically, I suppose I'm your cousin.

Jade: _Huh?_

Susan: Oh, yes. That's why _I'm_ here. It was supposed to be just me coming, but these witches came to make you write a cliche about them. *glares at Granny Weatherwax, Nanny Ogg, and Agnes* You see, Jade, we're cousins.

Jade: You mentioned that. How can we be cousins? You're, like, Death's granddaughter.

Susan: Well, so are you.

Jade: WHAT?!?!?!?

Susan: That's right. You see, Death adopted _two_ children, a girl and a boy. But the boy didn't want to be Death's apprentice, so he ran away, and Death took on _my _father. But the damage had been done. Your father left Discworld so that Death couldn't find him, and he came to another universe, Earth. He got married, and had a daughter. You.

Jade: Why didn't he tell me that?

Susan: I don't know. Is he dead?

Jade: Oh… yeah. That's a good reason, I guess.

Wizard: Are you through yet?

Susan: No, Rincewind, I'm not. Hush.

Rincewind: I don't like it here. Someone's going to come arrest me. I know it!

Susan: Shut up.

Jade: So you came to tell me I'm your cousin?

Susan: Sort of. See, Granddad has this little problem…

Rincewind: He's funny in the head.

Susan: *turning on Rincewind* He is _not_ funny in the head!

Rincewind: Then what is it?

Susan: He just forgets who he's supposed to be, that's all.

Rincewind snorts derisively, and Susan glares at him.

Susan: Y'know, I could always find your little hourglass thing and break it!

Jade: Er, excuse me! Um… what did you mean, he forgets who he's supposed to be?

Susan: Well, he came to Earth, looking for you, I think, and… he got distracted.

Jade: *suspiciously* Distracted how?

Susan: He thinks he's the Easter Bunny.

Jade: What? But it isn't even Easter!

Susan: That's the problem. Anyway, we need your help. Everyone at Discworld is in major jeopardy!

Jade: How?

Susan: I dunno. It just sounds good. Will you help us get him back?

Jade: Do I get a choice?

Granny Weatherwax: No.

Jade: Didn't think so. In that case… sure, I'd be happy to help!

Rincewind: Great! Then let's go. I'm getting nervous just standing here.

Susan: All right, then. Everyone stand in a circle…

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Author's Note: BWAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!! A cliffhanger! I have you in my power! Cower brief mortals! COWER!!!! _ *looks around at all the people staring at her strangely* Ok, fine, then, don't cower! See if I care! Anyway, everything but me belongs to Terry Pratchett, who is the… um… I think third coolest writer in the universe. (J.K. Rowling's first, then Ann McCaffrey. Sorry.) Well, if people actually read this, I'll continue. So long!_


End file.
